Reppepper's Blog: October 2004

Of course I *do* have many "next projects" already (including my new job!). But what figures most prominently in my schedule now (almost all evenings for a while) is "The Hound of the Baskervilles".

Yesterday Gabe the director addressed what I expected that he would have to: the scene in which my "wife" cries and so far I stand there and do nothing. I wasn't offended when he said I was a heartless so-and-so; I told him that I *do* need direction with this.

Now, when I say that, because I've never been married or even close to it, I don't know how to react to my "wife" crying, I realize that many of you married guys might say, "Neither do I!"

But anyway, when one of the cast well-meaningly said, "You're not a touchy-feely type" it was close enough to the truth that I let it go (and that wasn't the time for discussion anyway).

In this instance, I *have* been feeling for her, especially as each time she cranks up the emotion more and more. I actually feel as if I should hold her much sooner than Gabe has now directed me to do -- and I think I would with a really good friend and imagine I would try with a wife. But in this case she would have to do this entire speech clutched in my arms. In response to this I suspect Gabe would say, "If you feel like doing it, do it and then *I* will tell you to back off." (or maybe my "wife" will!!)

As for not being a touchy-feely type, for some reason I do have that rep and I don't feel it's entirely fair:

First of all, I *do* like being hugged. As a matter of principle I do appreciate the "offer-to-hug" pose as an invitation. This allows for the hypothetical refusal of the offer, but I don't think I ever refuse.

I don't go around initiating hugs often because

1) Something in me does feel as if it's (potentially) invasive. (This is the way in which my rep is accurate.)

2) I'm not entirely sure of my motives, especially when hugged by a woman, because that *is* pleasant. With very few exceptions in my life, so far, these times are relatively brief. As well there are no other actions involved which could be confusing. And so this is mostly a theoretical issue and needn't bother anyone else, since it's always over so quickly.

(The exceptions BTW are mostly some times of extreme grief in my life and the non-confusing comfort of a long-time *married* friend and relatives.)

Maybe this is not fair and sexist, but I tend to be suspicious of boys/men who go around often hugging girls/women -- but maybe that is simply my own projecting of my mixed motives onto them.

OTOH I don't have the same suspicions of girls/women. This bothers me because it is actually *not* a compliment to an entire gender to consider them naive, well-meaning and always pure in motives.

It may just be that whenever I of any *specific* huggy women I hate to think of them as impure in motives at all. And then I generalize.And any of the guys I think of were going around hugging the women I'd like to.

So maybe I'm just jealous.
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And maybe some of you think, "Stop thinking about this so much, Richard." Just take things as they come and enjoy yourself. Well, there's something to that and maybe the fact that I have been

philosophizing about this so much shows that I am indeed not a (naturally) "touchy/feely" person. But I am what I am.

I need a hug.

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